The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature.It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level."Real" Al-Anon Meeting Directory I'm not really sure where to start in here.
His moods switched from good to bad so fast that I barely had the chance to keep up. I expect this isn't what you hoped to hear, but 6 months is actually very early recovery. I will reflect what others have said - it is his disease & the disease blames others so they can avoid taking responsibility themselves.The behaviours you describe are classic alcoholic behaviours. If u take the blame, then ur buying into it & feeding it with energy & emotions.It isn't that one guy - thoughtful, open, helpful - is "real", and the other - blaming, critical, crazy-making - is "not real" - they're both real, and early sobriety is very hard work. They say AA/NA pick up substances & al-anons pick up people.They actually recommend that As not start any new intimate relationships for at least a year of not just "not drinking" sobriety, but honest "working the program" sobriety. We need to put them down, focus on us & get honest & real. You are all u can change or control anyway, we sure cant control another person & being caught in the manipulation makes us sick.In the meantime, anybody who is concerned about or affected by someone else's drinking is automatically a candidate for Alanon - welcome. I hope so much you will continue to come here to help yourself through this. Every single A that I have known has said their spouse, girlfriend,boyfriend, mother, daughter and on and on, are crazy, have mental problems and more. It is vital to learn about the disease so u can stop enabling, recognize the disease for what it is & not take it personally.Whether your relationship with this man is permanently over or not, alanon can help you see patterns of behaviour, and learn alternate behaviours, so you are less likely to go right back out and attract the same thing all over again. You can also order the online for about nothing, look above on the board, a great member is making it possible for anyone to wants one to have one. They cannot face that they are the ones with the problem. The first year of recovery for A's is very hard, their emotions are all bubbling up again & they get to sort it all out.I can honestly tell you, if I knew what I know now, as much as I loved my Ah I would not have married him. Almost all people who marry A's or have relationships with them will be just like what you went through and as the disease progresses,and it will get a million times worse. Here is a place to go to find a meeting place where you are. It is so important to educate ourselves about the disease before we make any major decisions. It is a very raw time after being "numb" for so long.We cannot control it, we did not cause it and we cannot cure it."Getting Them Sober" is the best book I have ever read for me. As tender as I was, that book is easy to read and every bit of it opened my eyes big time. It is very tempting for us (as women) to romantacize about "forever" - i too fell into this trap a lot.As long as we are focused on tomorrow, we arent really living in today.Be grateful for what u have today & leave tomorrow in the unknow future (where it belongs) - hey we're all scared about it but if we focus on the future, we lose any hope of empowering us for today/present moment. Hi FIRST I am quoting debilyn here b/c this is the gospel truth....SHE SAYS, basically if she knew then what she knows NOW she would nver have married her A....whole post screams of the truth.